The problem with recently divorced single parents
is that are waiting too long to start dating
again, complaining they are oh, so busy. The real
reason is their fears, because their previous
situation was usually so ugly, they don't have a
strong enough ego to let rejections roll off
their back.
Even if they are starting to date, in most cases
are doing this for the wrong reasons. Some single
parents think they are in competition with their
ex, particularly if they were left for a younger
partner. They also might be playing a game to
prove to the ex that they are desirable by dating
as many people as possible. In a nutshell, don't
date for emotional revenge, to allay feelings of
loneliness or to prove your desirability to
others.
After a divorce, both parties are tented to
change partners almost every week or month and
are not in the mood to compromise with somebody.
But after a while especially single fathers are
feeling the need to have a life partner and a
mother for their children.
If you are a single father and you are determined
to find someone for a long time relationship you
have to be sure that you are making the best
choice because now you are not alone, you are
making the choice not only for you but for your
children too.
There are some gold rules to consider that can
help you to find the best mom for your children
and the best lover for you:
1. As there is no surer turn-off for a potential
lover than a person who insists on living in the
past, make a rule for yourself that you are going
to do your absolute best not to drag the past
into new relationships.
2. Your kids are the priority of your life; keep
them there no matter what!
3. You have been careful to prepare your kids for
the fact that you will have a life other than the
one with them. But don't forget to make them
understand that they will not lose your love,
just some of your time together.
4. Chose to date only women that have at least
one kid already. A woman without children will
not understand you and your children needs and
will not have too much patience. Don't forget
that children are the best when it is about to
exasperate somebody, and in the first stage your
new date will be like a target for your kids jest.
5. Don't leave your partner to baby-sit. In order
to keep children safe, it is necessary to be able
to discipline them. It is too soon for your
partner to discipline your children.
6. In conflict situation try to put yourself in
your partner place, be diplomatic with your child
and try to be impartial. Find the golden mean to
resolve the problems between them.
7. Never chose your mate only because she is
getting on well with your child. You have to find
someone FOR YOU and YOUR CHILD. Remember that the
best for your children is and will ever be their
natural mum, the women you just have divorced (
for some good reasons I believe). So find a woman
that you are attracted to, a woman you find
interesting AND that is willing to accept your
children too.
8. Pay attention to her children too, and never
forget that they are the priority of her life.
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